It Always Starts with a Name
It wasn’t my name, of course. No one goes undercover as themselves unless they’ve got a death wish or a complete lack of imagination. I plucked this one from the ether—ordinary enough to fly under the radar but sturdy enough to hold its own. John Miller. Or was it Jessica Clark? Funny thing about aliases: get it wrong, and you’re sunk before the game even starts.
Names are the quiet weapons of the world. They announce you before you arrive. Hopefully, they stick in people’s heads long after you leave and—if chosen poorly—can burn your cover faster than a bad disguise.
The Psychology of Names: What’s in a Label?
An alias isn’t just a name—it’s a persona, a second skin. Slip into it right, and it fits, so naturally, you forget it’s borrowed. Get it wrong, and it feels like wearing someone else’s shoes: awkward, uncomfortable, a weird funk, and guaranteed to give you away.
Studies back it up: names shape perception. They’re the first thing people use to size you up, the shortcut to deciding whether you’re friend or foe, competent or clueless. An alias is your first line of defense—and sometimes your best weapon.
I’ve made every rookie mistake you can imagine. Forgetting my alias. Mixing up backstories. Once, I answered my phone as “Todd” when the person on the other end was expecting “John.” Rookie move. The caller hesitated. My mind raced. “Uh… yeah, John just stepped out. I’ll let him know you called.” I hung up, sweating. Lesson learned: never improvise your identity under pressure. Now, I carefully plan them out. I have separate backstories, bank accounts, credit/debit cards, social profiles, email addresses, business, and phone numbers that tell me my aliases they call before I pick up the line.
The Art of Choosing a Name
A good alias doesn’t just blend in—it owns its space. It’s Tuesday at the DMV: bland enough to be believable but distinct enough to stick. You’re not trying to be James Bond; you’re aiming for the kind of name someone forgets until they need it again. You make your mark but not too much of a mark. It's like when Hollywood was pumping out comedy after comedy with newer comics. "You know he's the comedian from all those movies in the early 2000s. He was in the one with Jessica Simpson."
The trick is in the seasoning. A middle name here. A hobby there. A dash of favorite food or quirk. Just don’t overdo it—nobody believes a backstory ripped from the pages of a dime-store spy novel or a marvel comic. Nope, leave the fedora at home. Think of it as crafting a character that could actually survive in the world you’re stepping into.
Take Todd, one of my go-to names. Todd’s a finance grad from Arizona State University. He spent summers sweating it out in Scottsdale and has a weakness for good Mexican food. His favorite baseball team? The Diamondbacks. Why? Because Todd loves sports talk—perfect for breaking the ice with guys who bond over stats or trash talk. I find Todd is the guy that I totally disdain because he is boring in the best possible way.
Practical Wisdom for Building an Alias
Start Boring: If it feels like it belongs on a LinkedIn profile, you’re in the right ballpark.
Know the Territory: Your alias should match the environment. A sleek Arielle Dupont fits in a Paris art gallery but sticks out in a rust-belt factory.
Practice Like Hell: Say your alias out loud. No, really, say it out loud. Record yourself saying it. Imagine being called "Todd" in a crowded room. Does it feel natural? It needs to feel as natural as being called "Todd the Turd" in second grade and feeling the pride of hearing "Todd" be called as you walk across the stage for graduation. If not, keep practicing. Go to a dive bar and have a few drinks as "Todd." Meet somebody, tell them your story as Todd. See how it feels.
Keep it Real: Details matter, but don’t overcook it. The goal isn’t to sound like a Hollywood spy—it’s to blend in so well that you become part of the furniture. You're the funny, lewd drawing on the bathroom stall. Funny one minute and forgotten before you open the door as you look down to make sure you don't have toilet paper stuck to your shoe.
The Consequences of Failure
A weak alias isn’t just embarrassing—it’s dangerous. I’ve worked with people who didn’t bother to cover their tracks for most of the cases, so it's fine. They will never know. But you never know who's on the other side. Rogue Cyber Security person? Nation-State threat actor? Large multi-billion dollar enterprise? Best-case scenario? They get laughed off and can complete the objective and lose a client. Worst case? They piss off the wrong person, who then finds their real address, and somebody gets hurt.
I bring this up because it happens. In 99 engagements, you're ok; it only takes one. I know a guy whose cover cost him dearly. His house was shot up—kids inside. That’s the reality of this game: you don’t just risk yourself; you risk everyone around you.
The Alias as Art
An alias, done right, is more than a name. It’s your story, your shield, your weapon. Done wrong, it’s a liability that can burn an entire operation. But when it’s crafted with care, it’s like a Sherlock Holmes disguise—so perfect, no one questions it.
This isn’t just about avoiding mistakes; it’s about mastering the art. An alias is a signature move, a piece of storytelling that keeps you one step ahead of the game.
Closing Thoughts
I want to be clear: this is unnatural. It will feel weird, and it should be off-putting. It should feel like everybody knows the truth, and they will expose you at any moment. This means you're normal. But this is why you practice, it gets easier. Your friends and family will think this is all a game, and you're delusional. You're better off not telling them, trust me.
To further illustrate the need for you to start this process now if you're in this line of work, in the times we live in, children are taught basic cyber security and "operational security." Offensive methods like doxing, swatting, and LOIC are games for children, such as hopscotch and tag. How hard do you think it will be for people to find your real address from your "Heathen83" username?
Next time, we’ll go deeper into the care and feeding of an alias—how to craft it, live it, the morality, and how kill it when the time comes. Until then, remember: A name may just be a label, but an alias? That’s the art of storytelling.